Dear reader,
Numerous defining moments and events have happened in the last three months. It is not entirely a pleasant feeling. It is mostly just frightening! I would not go on to list all of them but I would just say that moving countries has probably been an experience I never thought I would have. But here I am! In a new country, far away from all that I have called home in my entire life so far. I am yet to fully uncover what this means for my life, but I am realising that it feels like I am a kid once more. Everything is so new and so different from what I have known before, it feels like I am having to start over on a lot of levels; from little things like taking note of garbage days to big things like applying for health insurance.
Because of how enormous this transition is, my body prepared for it by shutting down. It shut down weeks before I was supposed to fly and it continues to do that. What do I mean when I say it is shut down? I just mean that it has decided to fool itself into thinking that none of this is happening to me, it is just happening, and I am a mere spectator of it. While I value and respect the wisdom with which my body has decided to show up in this uniquely stressful situation, I must admit it is unnerving sometimes! It meant that while I was able to get done a lot of things before, during and after I was travelling, there was also a lot more that I just couldn’t get myself to do. And that is when I had to do something that most of us find hard to do! I had to ask for help. To be fair, I am fortunate enough that I had people who wanted and offered to help and did not make it hard to ask for it. From the packing to the documents checklist, it was all so overwhelming. The reason I am sharing this with you is to say that as awkward and vulnerable asking for help is, it is also extremely humbling. Of late, I have had to ask for help from everyone: my closest friends to absolute strangers and they have all graciously contributed to my life in ways that turned out to be just what I needed at that moment. The fear of being turned away, of looking like a fool, among other things, are big enough to hold us back from reaching for help. But sometimes it may be worth it to give yourself permission to be helped by others. In desperate times, it also becomes our only hope.
Of late, I have had many embarrassing moments when I felt so foolish and dazed about things that were much simpler than what they seemed like in my head. Telling myself “don’t be afraid to be embarrassed!” has been helping me in not just sitting with that feeling, but also in taking from it something that could help me later. I have asked a lot of questions, ones that seemed so unnecessary and obvious on the surface, but for me they were things I was actually curious and a bit clueless about. And in asking those questions, in allowing myself to be helped, I have come upon people’s wisdom in a way I probably would not have come upon otherwise. And for that, I am utterly grateful!
Love and light,
Adishi
A poem that spoke to me this month:
(Found in Rochi Zalani’s This is my newsletter)
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