Dear reader,
As I write this, I see the reflection of fairy lights flickering in my window, the sound of snow being shovelled outside and the tentative yet firm footsteps of people slowly starting their day as they make their way through the snow-covered paths.
As I write this, we have also walked (more like, crawled?) into another year in linear time and it may be rude not to wish you a happy new year. But like last year, it would also be rude to wish you a happy new year without acknowledging all the sadness, hurt and grief we continue to labour through. So, I wish you a very happy new year and by that, I mean less (or no?! but who are we kidding!) hurt, pain and loss this year.
I sobbed uncontrollably the moment I saw the date change on my phone’s lock screen. 2021 was such a roller-coaster year for me and because of the losses that that year brought me, I only want to loathe it and never look back at it. But 2021 was also the year I took the biggest leap of faith by moving across the world and yes, that has been challenging but also so rewarding and affirming at the same time.
So I just stare at 2021 with much confusion and frustration as I bitterly realise that this may well be said of life as we know it; it is never only one thing however much we think it is or sometimes want it to be, it is glorious and miserable and joyous and sorrowful all at once.
Does this awareness bring me peace and calm? I will be honest with you, I absolutely hate it. I have not yet reached that level of Zen-ness. I am tired of losing people, parts of myself and my life and building myself back from the wreckage. I do not want to see the “lesson” in any of the losses. I just want to bury myself in mindless grief. But as I said in the preceding paragraph, I also know (!!) that it may continue to be a part of my world as it is other people’s. So honestly, the best we can do in the face of this information is huddle closer, bundle up and tell people how much we love them while we still can.
As we enter a new year, I hope we enter with the awareness that our relationships are what sustain us and keep us grounded; they are also what make us courageous enough to take leaps of faith we never knew we could. With this awareness, I hope we continuously work towards nurturing them with all of our love and care and always strive to do right by them.
Love and light,
Adishi