Monthly Musings
Earlier this month, I went to Mumbai for a conference and two workshops. One of the most interesting things that stood out to me in a workshop was how we discussed the importance of documents in our life—documents that sustain us and documents that oppress us.
What is intriguing about this distinction is that there is no document that is innately sustaining or oppressive— what determines that is our relationship with those documents, a relationship that is layered, unique and complex and keeps changing as we grow.
A letter that was once special for me could now be oppressive, maybe because it reminds me of a person I don’t want to think of.
My report cards from school are a bunch of oppressive documents for me because they remind me of a time when I was struggling as a child and of a place that always made me feel unwelcome and unsafe. But for some people, report cards can be a precious thing to hold on to.
What this has got me thinking is,
When was the last time we made a conscious effort to add to the pool of sustaining documents for ourselves and our loved ones? How often do we realise the importance of documents in our lives? Are there more oppressive documents in our lives as compared to sustaining ones? What can we do to try changing that today?
Tender Tale
As a part of the same workshop, we discussed how our usual understanding of ‘listening’ is somehow incomplete.
A lot of us, even when we have the intention to listen attentively to our loved ones, struggle to do it in a way that is helpful for them. One of the reasons this happens could be that we are struggling with our preconceptions of them and their circumstances, while they are telling us their story. So the most important pillar of listening, that is, being attentive goes missing.
It would be incorrect to say that none of us has preconceptions, but it is our responsibility to determine what we do with them.
We can assume that our friend is just over-reacting when they are telling us that they are struggling to function in their everyday life. It is important to be aware of that assumption, park it and then make sure that you offer all of yourself (not just your ears) to the person you are listening to; witness their story.
One of the facilitators said, ‘the first step to listening is being aware of our preconceptions.’
It is always more effective when you do something and see for yourself how it works, instead of just being told what to do. So to understand ‘witnessing’, we formed groups where the facilitator asked intimate questions from one of us and the rest of us witnessed the conversation. It was touching, to say the least, to be a part of this exchange in such a unique way. What we had to do then was to write a poem for the person we were listening to, by only using the words that they used while telling their story, in merely ten minutes. This is what I wrote:
Let Go!
Let go!
All that makes it difficult for you
to challenge dominant discourses.
Let go!
Of everything that tells you who
you are supposed to be.
Let go,
and accept
the endless
opportunities and possibilities
you hold within yourself.
Let go,
and remember
you deserve to be loved
exactly for who you are.
Wonders happen when we give ourselves to people who need us—wonders that we can never even imagine. Wonders happen when we learn to listen like poets, for each one of us, is a poem if given a chance.
Tender Reads
‘Beautiful Broken Things’ by Sara Barnard
‘Beautiful Broken Things’ is a touching book on female friendships. It made me wonder how rarely we talk about female friendships in particular and friendships in general, with so much warmth and tenderness.
Hear me read a portion of this below:
Disclaimer: There are some cuss words in the portion that I read, but I read it despite that because of the signific
On-Screen Fuzzies
‘Before Sunrise’ on Netflix
This movie has been my comfort watch since the first time I watched it a few years ago. I feel like every time I watch it, I come out of it with something new to hold on to.
I have always been fascinated with conversations, ones that are about our deepest and most intimate confusions, desires and thoughts; of spaces that are gentle and warm.
If there is any kind of magic in the world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something.
Hugs in Words
Dear reader,
Below are a few affirmations to get you through the month:
/you deserve to be loved deeply, sincerely and passionately, both by yourself and by others. It is possible to get what you deserve and you owe it to yourself to not settle for anything less./
/you are not a perfect person and that is okay because none of us is. what makes us the closest to perfect is being aware of the things we need to work on, and working on them./
/you know what's best for you like nobody else. you need to trust that knowledge and embrace it./
/you are your own safe space, even when it does not feel like that all the time./
I hope you can whisper these to yourself and that they can help you get through all that you need to get through right now.
Love and light,
Adishi