Monthly Musings
A year into writing letters of kindness to people, it is interesting for me to think of all the things that people usually seek comfort and support for. One of the most recurring things that people have written to me about is their inability to be kind to themselves. It looks different for all of us, but it is, at the same time, a lot more similar than we realise— be it our trouble with forgiving ourselves, accepting ourselves or just letting ourselves be in our skin— there is so much that we reproach ourselves for.
At what point do we learn to be unkind to ourselves? Does nobody tell us how toxic that is? Or has nobody actually been able to do it for themselves to model it for others? And if this is the case, what does that tell us about the nature of our being?
What makes it okay for us to talk badly about ourselves, about the little things we do or don’t do? What does it take to tell ourselves, “I am unhappy with how I handled that situation, but I am still going to be kind to myself and think of how I can repair it.”
Why is acceptance of one’s own insecurities and faults so difficult? Isn’t this difficulty at the heart of most issues in our life? If we weren’t so desperately running from confronting and accepting our shortcomings, wouldn’t we be more invested in thinking about and working towards repair?
Tender Tales
It was on 6 June 2019 that I posted on my Instagram that I will be sending out letters to people. I had no idea what I was getting into at that time but I could not be more thankful for where it has led me over the months.
Doing the work that I do means a lot to me personally because it validates so much of what I grew up invalidating and hating myself for. And the things that I have learnt in this journey so far are lessons I hold dear to my heart because they remind me that we are in this together, even if we do not always realise it. Here a few learnings that I would like to share for all of us as important reminders.
We are going through and thinking about similar questions. But most often, we are having to do it alone. Either because we don’t have anyone to talk to about these things or because we do not have the language to talk about them. But we are all thinking of some of the most troubling questions about this world and our lives in some or the other ways and we need to hold each other thought it.
We have a lot of love for the people in our life; our friends, lovers, parents, but we feel unequipped to express that love directly to them.
We are all trying very hard. Some days we are closer to pulling through, some days we are not. An understanding nod, an empathetic smile is all we need to hang in there.
We all desperately need to cling to hope and light.
We are aware of the messy realities of the relationships in our lives.
We really do want to be kind and need more kindness in our lives.
We all feel an insufferable level of loneliness every now and then.
I hope you can hold these close to you and remember to be kind to yourself and others.
Tender Reads
‘Upstream’ by Mary Oliver
This was my second read of 2020. Considering everything that’s happening and has happened in this year so far, I can safely say that it was the book I did not know I would need really badly this year. Mary Oliver is someone whose words have always made me feel hopeful and seen. They bring so much tenderness and warmth into my world, I am so grateful.
Hear me read a portion from this collection of essays by her.
On-Screen Fuzzies
‘Schitt’s Creek’ on Netflix
Schitt’s Creek is a show that is full of joy, sensitivity and thoughtfulness. I am in awe of how this show spoke to me on various levels. The characters and their relationships in this show are written with so much care and complexity, it is truly a delight to watch.
One of my most favourite things about this show is the immensity of emotions it made me feel, most importantly, how much it made me laugh. I think there is a paucity of shows and movies that are funny in a sensitive, non-demeaning way. And I really respect this show for that, among other things.
As with most of our favourite things, it was difficult for me to pick one moment from it. The moment pictured below is when Stevie is trying to understand why David so badly needs to go to New York. She is both angry and upset at the thought of her closest friend going away.
Bullied as a kid, David feels like he needs to show his bullies how far he has come and that he has “won”. I am sure that those of us who have been bullied in our lives have felt the same way. I think this was such a subtle yet beautiful complexity to explore, especially the way it is done here. This entire conversation between Stevie and David left me sobbing and when they hug each other, I could almost feel like I was being wrapped in an embrace myself.
This show has become my comfort watch in this time and now it just feels like this time would have been a lot worse if I did not have this show to turn to.
Oh and not to mention, David and Patrick are easily one of my most favourite on-screen couples!!
Hugs in Words
Dear reader,
With the growing unrest in the world, there is also a rise in the unrest that we are all feeling in our most private moments. To top it all, we are having to do that in isolation. If this is not one of the most heartbreaking things in the world, I don’t know what is. We should be able to hold each other through this time.
As anger and grief about this loss shapeshift through our days, I hope this newsletter can give you some moments to centre yourself.
I can only wish that the white light of the screens touching our faces is soon replaced by refreshing winds, reminding us what it actually feels like to be alive.
I hope that amidst the “WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WHEN WILL THIS END?” anxieties, we are able to hug ourselves to sleep for now.
Love and light,
Adishi